NAIJA TO YANKEE

 

NAIJA TO YANKEE

On May 31st, I left my seemingly perfect life in Nigeria for greener pastures abroad.

This was one of the hardest decisions I have ever had to make in my whole life. I am naturally a very indecisive person, so making this kind of life altering decision for me was the last straw that broke my camel's back.

"Tami please stop crying now, I promise you'll be fine" my friend said to me as i broke down in tears at the airport. Nothing he said to me or tried to do made me feel any better than i already felt. I didn't see any need to leave the country that had become my home over the years to go and start building all over again in another man's country. But that is the beauty of what's ahead. You get to rewrite your story all over again and erect structures out of nothing.

I cried till there were no tears left to cry. I cried till my eyes hurt and didn't have the strength to continue. I had lived in denial all along till the day i was to go  came. The type of fear that gripped me, i couldn't explain it. "Am i good enough?, Can i cope, Do i really have anything to offer, Will i like it there". These were the thoughts that constantly bugged my mind. I wasn't as enthusiastic about the whole journey as i thought i would be. Last year, I had always imagined my life outside the country and how i couldn't wait to leave Nigeria and how the stress will become a thing of the past.

"The only advice i will give you is to live your best life. Live your life based on your own terms and for God also" my sister said to me as i struggled to choke down tears streaming down my face. For the first time in a long time, i felt seen. I felt someone finally understood me and could see the situation for what it was. It was the most genuine and heartfelt conversation i had  had with her in a while. Right there and then, i made a mental note to only focus on the present and do the things that made me happy. 

Throughout the course of the year leading to this very point, i found myself immersed in so much sadness that i couldn't explain. I was gradually losing myself. Anyone who knows me knows how lively and bubbly i can be. All that seemed to be a façade and a thing of the past. With each passing day, i struggled to be happy, I struggled to drag myself out of the sadness that engulfed me, leaving me with no breathing space at all.

Leaving was such a bittersweet experience. It meant changing location, making new friends all over again, joining a new church and embracing a new way of life. This frightened me so much. As someone who has never had to really change location for whatever reason, this really took a huge toll on me.

 "I noticed anytime i bring this matter of travelling up, you never seem so excited" my mum said to me one day. How could i explain to her that i was scared. Leaving rattled me so much that i didn't like to hear or talk about it. I was so nervous about going away for a very long period of time. I was so comfortable and had gotten so carried away with life here. That is the bad thing about comfort. It stunts your growth so badly, you will hardly see the reason to grow and become a better version of yourself. "You can't be at home forever, you have to leave" i constantly reminded myself of this reality. As sad as it was, it was true. My parents have lived their lives and are now reaping the fruit of their labour. It was now time for me to live mine and walk my own path. 

I knew leaving was the best decision for me, but i was  too scared to admit it. I was too scared of leaving my family behind and going to start a new life. I was so stuck on the old, refusing to see what life had in store for me on the other side. I had been so scared to embrace change. It is something i am currently learning and relearning. Change is the only constant thing in life. I knew i had to leave home to make a name for myself. I was also aware of the fact that being in my comfort zone was not going to be the best for me, in fact it was going to ruin me in the long run if care wasn't taken.

As i write this, Darey's "Pray for me" lyrics resonate with me so well and makes so much sense. I just had to leave home. All my life, i have been constantly shielded from certain realities and circumstances. It is now time for me to come out of that bubble and be my own person. The person i have always dreamt and thought of. My own person.

It has been three months since this happened, and i can't help but continually trust God and put my future in his hands, because he knows what my tomorrow looks like. I can rest well knowing my future is secured and things have fallen for me in pleasant places. From Nigeria, to the uttermost parts of the earth, i will continually thrive and flourish like the person i was called out to be. Amen.